Fan Harmony

What is a Fan?

Written by: sly-grrr on December 1, 2009 · 110 Comments

Actually it is short for fanatic… Grown men, large men stripped naked and painted like primal warriors as if their participation will have some outcome on the game.

  1. Enthusiast, devotee, admirer, lover; supporter, follower, disciple, adherent, zealot; expert, connoisseur, aficionado; informal buff, bum, fiend, freak, nut, addict, junkie, fanatic, groupie.
  2. A person who has a strong interest in or admiration for a particular sport, team,or player.
  3. Actually it is short for fanatic. Which when the television camera scans the crowd attending a pro football game, goes a long way to explaining what you see. Grown men, large men stripped naked and painted like primal warriors as if their participation will have some outcome on the game.

You’ve probably heard the word “Fan” used in many different ways for most of your life. You may have even thought of yourself as a “Fan” of something. But to what extent? Are you full blown crazy fan, complete with shaved head, body paint? Women rarely fit into this area. I’m not sure if it’s because they just refuse to look as stupid as guys do or if it is the whole, “strip-naked-to-the-waist-before-painting” thing. These people are what put the “Fanatic” in “Fan.”

Fanatic

Fanatic

Or are you the, buy the authentic team jersey, hang out with friends, maybe raise your voice but don’t get unruly, type?

Maybe you have at some point pretended to be a “fan” just to feel like you fit in to the group.

I think it’s time to define in a more explicit way the terms and or degrees of fan. If we better understand to what degree we are willing to commit ourselves to, we can have a more realistic hope of coming to grips with our “Fan-ness.”

What is a Fan?
A Fan is a person that would remove the shirt off his (or her) back and replace it temporarily with an authentic team jersey in anticipation of and or for the duration of an event involving said team. Unless they have something more important to do.

What are acceptable, “more important things to do?”
Work that requires non-sports related clothing, such as suit, uniform, etc.. Birth of child, wedding, funeral, or just about anything else. A Fan in short is a lifelong devotee that you can trust to always be there for the team, unless he has something else going on or that team betrays him by consistently sucking at crucial moments.

Fellow Fans

Fellow Fans

Who is your fellow fan?
Your fellow fan can be your dad, brother, uncle, wife, mother, childhood friend, classmate, your offspring, a casual acquaintance, the paper delivery kid, or just about any other person that is willing to make some demonstration of desire to participate in the community of “Fanville.”

Warning To Married Fans: Your spouse retains veto power over your “Fan Posse,” and is not required to accept that the really hot looking members of the opposite sex are just fellow “Fans.” A spouse may, eliminate, with prejudice, members from your “Fan Herd,” at anytime.

Does this mean that only dudes can be in a “Fan Posse?”
No, however the common overriding rule here is that being a fan should only be a side benefit to a well rounded existence. If being a fan screws up the balance of your normal life (job, school, marriage, child rearing or responsible pet owning duties) it may be time to step back from the “Fanaticism.”

Fancabulary

As you survey this website you may come across terms that are not common to your present vocabulary. For your edification We will endeavor to familiarize you with the Fancabular as we go. Eventually we will have enough material to warrant a complete “Fan-ossary.”

While “Fan-ness” is not limited to any race, sex, nation, or sport, being overly inclusive or exclusive may reduce your overall contentment. For example: There are no racial boundaries in fan-equity. However including all available life forms in your fan posse may dilute focus.

True there are some really attractive sports related items available for your pets but are they really fans? Your Cockatoo may be able to scream “Go Team,” as well as any other member, in which case you’ll have to make a determination yourself.

I’m just saying that if “Bowser” is really more interested in burying his head in the nacho tray, is he really a fan? Even if the jersey fits, animals may not qualify as full member fans.

The Origin of Fanaticism

The first Fans were angels. God made the heavens and the earth. Then God formed life on the earth and the rooting section in the heavens. It is a heavenly design. There are always more “Fans” than players. “Fans” can urge the team to perform, but they cannot interfere with the game.

The original tablets God gave to Moses, included annotations regarding “fan-etiquette.”

  1. You shall have no other team before the one team, unless that season is over or the team management foolishly trades away the talent, or the team can’t win even on a bye-week.
  2. You shall not own or make for yourself any image of any other team, on this coast or the other, that might give glory to any other team.
  3. You shall not ask the Lord God to afflict the opposing team for the sake of a win. Yes, this includes the playoffs. You may ask God to make your team better than they really are (see sports history).
  4. Remember Game day. Duh.
  5. Honor the Fans that have been around longer than you. Let them bore you with stories about the team before you were born. Knowing the history of the team can add value to your understanding. Without tradition, where would Cubs fans be?
  6. You shall not actually commit murder for the sake of a win. Your team may “Murder,” the opposing team. But if you kill them no one will play your team and you forfeit the chance to prove you team is best.
  7. You shall not switch teams mid contest unless you can do it in a discreet manner.
  8. You shall not steal the other teams mascot.
  9. You shall not bear false witness to the officials.
  10. You shall not covet thy opponents cheer squad. You may however envy their stadium.

This is enough information for now. Clear your mind of questions.

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